Angel's Herald: Fierce, Fabulous and Fat: Malu Fernandez

Fierce, Fabulous and Fat: Malu Fernandez

This article which might be a little late for me to blog is about Malu Fernandez. She was born rich because her dad is rich, end of story. I don't know what will it take for a person so self-absorbed to step on his fellow-Filipinos just because they are OFWs. And worse, I can't figure out how someone so morbidly obese, ugly and looks like a shaved Shih Tzu can do that.

First, whatever you say, you flew coach, which you happen to hate so much, you just can't change that fact. And worse, you flew back on coach class again. If you have so much money, I'm sure you won't mind sliding your card at the kiosk for a freaking upgrade.

Second, even the bottlers and helps of Discovery Shores won't sleep with you cause no matter what perfume you wear, you still looked like a Lechon complete with Jo Malone and MAC, and please, stop using ching-chang-sue.

This is the text from Malu Fernandez's article:

Meanwhile, when all of this was going on, I was on the cell phone with my jet set buddy Ron Sato planning an impromptu trip. You see, Ron is my travel buddy who lives in Los Angeles, so between his schedule and mine, the logistics are a nightmare, The week at Easter, however, was open for both of us so I said: "Pick a country!" We decided on Greece and all we went. But getting there was a bloody nightmare. To save on my ticket, I bravely took economy class seat on Emirates as recommended by my travel agent, Ron excitedly told me to go for it- Emirates had won best economy class and some award. However I forgot that the hub was in Dubai and the majority of the OFWs (overseas Filipino workers) were stationed there. The duty-free shop was overrun with Filipino workers selling cell phones and perfume. Meanwhile, I wanted to slash my wrist at the thought of being trapped in a plane with all of them. Of course, everyone in economy class was yelled at for having overweight hand-carries. Mine was 17kg (ssshhhh!). That was all my makeup and accessories I would never risk Iosing if my luggage ended up in the middle of the Sahara desert.

While I was on the plane (where the seats were so small I had bruises on my leg) --YOUR LEGS ARE EQUIVALENT OF BEEF SHACK SO DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY THE SPACE SEEM SO SMALL, my only consolation was the entertainment on the small flat screen in front of me. But it was busted, so I heaved a sigh. popped my sleeping pills and dozed off to the sounds of gum chewing and endless yelling of "HOY! Kumusta ka na? At taga saan ka? Domestic helper ka rin ba?' translation: Hey there? Where are you from? Are you a domestic helper as well?" I thought I had died and God had sent me to my very own private hell.

On my way back, I had to bravely take the economy flight once more. This time I had already resigned myself to being trapped like a sardine in a sardine can with all these OFWs smelling AXE and Charlie cologne while my Jo Malone evaporated into thin air. However, for the first time in my natural life I was elated to go back to the Philippines so I could go hack to Discovery Shores in Boracay and sip a tropical drink under the fabulous hat I bought in Greece.

There I was sending MMS pictures to my buddy Ron trying to entice him to come over, but I didn't succeed. Instead, I got two other friends to join me in sipping cocktails with a fabulous sunset and ocean view while planting my feet firmly on the bug-free cement flooring by the poolside of Discovery Shores.

All in all, it's been a pretty good summer. Jetting from the Aegean Sea to the Pacific may sound a bit pretentious until you wake up in economy class smelling like air freshener. Not to mention looking at your bank balance after paying for all your trips, which surely smacks reality in your face. But for a couple of weeks, I had a great escape I planned for this long hot summer.

And the overcooked pork can't get enough, so she published another article:

Are you Stinky Linky? Or do you smell like a divine divalicious babe?

As all of you know I have just returned from a wonderful holiday in the Mediterranean. To cut on some costs for this impromptu vacation I was forced to fly economy class which I absolutely do not wish on my worst enemy. I was, however, encouraged by my travel agent to try out Emirates since it won the best economy class, so with great trepidation I flew on Emirates via Dubai, completely forgetting that Dubai is the hub for all the Filipino migrant workers. Call me whatever you like but when you are trapped in economy class that is filled to the brim with migrant workers the smell gets a little funky after nine hours of flying.

The whole incident inspired me to write about fragrance. For as long as I can remember I have had a very keen sense of smell. And sometimes I can remember people by their sense, call it weird but it's true. Some studies actually state that men and women are more primarily attracted by scent than by physical attributes. I may forget a lover's face but I never forget his scent.

You can read the articles from the original scan by clicking these thumbnails"

I know another blog about her will just make her even more famous, after being blogged by hundreds of angry Filipinos.

Her apologetic article about this issue (apparently the publication received thousands of email from people wanting to kick her ass) made things worse, she said it's all about humor and crap, well I didn't laugh. All I saw is a fat woman, so ugly inside and out that she wanted attention by being controversial and projects to the mass that she's frivolous, sorry foundation can't hide your 50kg ham.

I myself have experienced being with a plane of OFWs last year on the way to Hong Kong. My flight was arranged and shouldered by the office. I have to say, OFWs or not, it is the noisy environment that will annoy me on the plane, and having games on-board is a big no no for me. Filipinos being chatters/talkers, I can hear some of them talk about why they are leaving, it's annoying because I am so trying to sleep but it's humbling to hear their stories, and so I started not to mind the chatting and mind my own business.

On my way back to Manila, beside me sits an OFW who will be back home after 10-years of stay in Hong Kong, she worked as a domestic helper to provide for her family, I saw her eyes a little teary while sharing her story to the lady beside her. I, on the other hand is about to be teary cause the plane is having a turbulence that I have never in the world experienced before. This is while the other passengers seem to not care, it's quite funny. I also have a bad sinusitis at that time so I think the woman beside me thought I was crying, when I'm about to fill in my immigration form, she offered me her fountain pen after seeing me search for my carry-on and found nothing. She offered it to me in English thinking that I don't know how to speak Tagalog, she then asked why am I crying. I even heard her prior to that saying "umiiyak yata 'to" to the lady beside her, assuming that I can't understand her. I told her I'm not crying. She seem to care so much, she later on gave me tissue to use, and it gives me an impression of someone so motherly. Someone longing to take care of her own children after years of taking care of other's. They deserve respect.

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At 9:22 PM, Blogger Tiger said...

Extremely fat people normally hate going to the beach thus Malu's dislike of Boracay or of any beach for that matter.

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